What Lies Ahead
by parma-violets
Summary: She'd always assumed that one day, her life would go back to normal.  She was wrong.  Usagi centred angst.


A/N: Here it is, my first one-shot! This one's been sitting around for a while. I've always wondered why Usagi took her future so calmly – I know I'd freak out if I found out I was going to be queen of the earth – so I decided to write a nice piece of angst about what may have been running through her head at the time. Enjoy ;p

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. It's unlikely that I ever will. So stop asking.

Summary: She'd always assumed that one day, her life would go back to normal. She was wrong.

What Lies Ahead  


For some reason, she couldn't stop thinking about Career Day.

It wasn't all that long ago. She and Naru and the rest of their friends had celebrated being able to skip Math and Chemistry, and a big group of them had trawled down to the gymnasium. Various different booths had been set up, advertising everything from law to teaching to medicine. Naru had gone to talk to the people representing fashion and journalism, while Umino had typically gone for anything that involved advanced mathematics. Usagi had trailed after them, swiping free pens wherever she could.

After an hour or so she had bumped into Haruna-sensei, who was one of the members of staff supervising the event. She had eyed Usagi knowingly before asking, "What have you been looking into, Tsukino-san?"

Usagi had shrugged. "They don't have the booth I need."

For a moment, Haruna-sensei looked confused – had she missed something important? "And what booth would that be?"

"Housewife," Usagi beamed up at her. "After all, that's what I want to do with my life."

Haruna-sensei sweatdropped. "And you … you don't have any ambition beyond that?"

"Nope!" Anyone else would have been offended, but Usagi took it all in her stride. "It's all I've ever wanted. Nothing more and nothing less."

Only it wasn't her decision any more. Because something more, something far greater than being a housewife or a mother, had barged its way into her future. And suddenly Usagi's simple dreams had gone up in smoke, leaving her with nothing more than a crown and a kingdom.

She'd never _wanted _to be queen. A lot of people would love it – they'd adore the power, the worship, the respect. But she wasn't like that. It wasn't that she was shy (far from it) or too introverted (she loved the spotlight, after all). She just wanted to be normal.

At fourteen years of age, her average life had been ripped out from under her and she'd been forced into a battle that she didn't want to fight. But she fought, for the sake of her world and those that inhabited it. There were times when she wanted to give up, more than anything. And at times like that, the only thing that had kept her going was the thought that her life as Sailor Moon could not go on forever.

She'd believed that with all her heart.

She'd believed that one day, she and her senshi would conquer the last enemy and they'd be free. Free of destiny, free of fighting. They'd go out into the world and make their own way. Usagi would finally be allowed to marry Mamoru, and would do so as soon as possible (if she had anything to say about it). The ceremony would be simple, but beautiful. Her mother would cry. Minako would trample over everyone to catch the bouquet. Then they'd go away on their honeymoon (maybe to Paris) before beginning their married life.

He'd have his career as a doctor which would finance their moderate and comfortable apartment. She'd keep house and do something small that she enjoyed – working with children, or maybe volunteer work – for a while until they decided the time was right to start a family.

They'd have two boys and two girls, and they would move to a house in the suburbs. Makoto would have a successful restaurant, and she'd let them eat there for free. Ami would be a doctor, maybe at the same hospital where Mamoru would work. They'd take the children to visit Rei at her shrine, during festivals and maybe for odd weekends. And Minako would be touring the country, promoting her newest movie or album (depending on which talent she decided to pursue), and she'd always bring them presents when she came to stay.

Usagi knew she'd never be perfect. But she would keep a clean house and be a good wife, she knew that much. She would dote on their children, who would in turn love her above all others. And they would all be happy, in their little house with the white picket fence.

That was her dream.

It wasn't much. But it had been hers.

But now her house had been replaced by a cold crystal palace, towering above the city of Tokyo. The days that she had planned to dedicate to her children were now to be spent running an entire planet. The ambitions of her friends would never be realised, as they would be forced to devote their lives to her family.

And worst of all – the most awful, horrible thing – was that the beautiful children who ran to her in her daydreams and flung their arms around her, had combined into one small child who actually hated her more than anything. The little girl who had forced her way into Usagi's life was actually her future daughter. And all the two had done was fight, bicker and disagree. What kind of relationship was that?

Part of her knew it wasn't fair to analyse her abilities as a mother based on the relationship between herself and Chibi-Usa. After all, she was only fifteen. Chibi-Usa saw Usagi more as a sister than a mother, and the child seemed to adore her own, real mother.

A mother that was frozen in crystal. A mother that had allowed her child to be abandoned, forced to return to the past alone in search of help. A mother that had affixed her daughter with the accursed title of Princess of the Moon.

She'd always known that she held royal blood, that she was the last true heir to the Silver Millennium Kingdom. But Usagi never considered herself worthy to take up the position. She knew no more about running a country than a kindergartener, let alone a planet. Who was she to start taking over the lives of others?

Neo-Queen Serenity had been young. In a matter of years, Usagi would be responsible for the entire earth. That was, if she survived that long.

Usagi drew her knees tighter against her chest, continuing to sob quietly in the dark as she mourned the loss of her dreams, as she kissed goodbye to the white picket fence and the framed school pictures over the fireplace and the crisp blue cloth on the kitchen table.

Maybe someday, in another time and place, it could happen. But she knew for her, that future could never become a reality.

Vaguely she wondered if the day would come when she wouldn't despise the name Serenity.

The days of Tsukino Usagi truly were numbered.


End file.
